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, by Beverly Engel
Download PDF , by Beverly Engel
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Product details
File Size: 1025 KB
Print Length: 273 pages
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 2, 2015)
Publication Date: January 2, 2015
Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B00PTIF3Q4
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#91,472 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I cannot tell you how many self-help/psychology books I've read before! Some have been good, others not so helpful. I grew up with a BPD parent, suffered all types of abuse from emotional to sexual...and this book is transforming my life!!! The great thing about this book is the 'aha' moments practically on every page, as well as the transformative work of self compassion. If you have suffered any type of abuse, if you suffer from shame or low self esteem, then please buy this book! You will not be disappointed I promise!
I've struggled with so many issues over the years, chief of which is debilitating TMS pain. In my 20-year search for a way to shed myself of this pain, I've tried so many things. Dr. John Sarno's work has been helpful but it really only gave me information about what was happening to me. Not a clear path toward healing. In my search, I thankfully kept digging deeper and deeper. My pain is largely tied to anger but I could never identify the real source of the anger within me. I tried anger management to no avail. Then I stumbled onto a Psychology Today article about shame, written by Beverly Engel. The contents resonated enough with me that I thought I'd try her book. I'm so glad I did.I've worked through this book over the last couple of months. In that time, I've felt a shift in my inner landscape. The introduction of a kind, caring inner voice has changed my perspective on everything. My pain has significantly diminished and I find myself feeling less judgmental of myself and others. I know I have much work left to do. It's a process that will continue every single day, but I now see hope. I see a way out of the nightmare my life had become. I couldn't recommend this book more highly.
I have read countless books, undergone a wide range of therapies, struggled on and on for years on end with a deep seated, debilitating sense of shame about who I am and the single most useful, and healing, discovery I have had has been the practice of self-compassion. Reading this book made me feel understood in a way I had never known before. But even more valuable than this, the contents of this book showed me how I could give myself the understanding, acceptance and love I so deeply needed and longed for. This has transformed how I see myself, how I treat myself (and others) and how I live my life. For this I am eternally grateful.
Beverly Engel understands your shame and how you came to be saddled by it. I recommend doing the exercises in the book. What I have found useful is to set a reminder on my phone 3 times per day to perform her "check-ins" (anger, sadness, fear, shame, other) on page 222 (location 3106 on Kindle). I find myself using self-understanding and self-acceptance in the repetition of this useful exercise. I hope to add self-encouragement via a gentle inner-corrector, now that I've finished the book.I found Ms. Engel's personal experiences made the book relatable and credible. Her work is more specific and helpful for trauma survivors than is the work of Kristin Neff (whose research Engel uses for the reader's benefit) or Brene Brown and has more compassion for the reader than van der Kolk. I am appreciative that the author wrote this book.
How many times have I heard someone tell me "it wasn't your fault"?I logically understood it. Yet, I would still lie in bed (for 20 years) wondering if/what I could have done differently the very first, second, third, every-time I had been sexually abused.It wasn't until Beverly Engel explained to me WHY it wasn't my fault; that self-compassion is the antidote to shame; that the reason why I kept thinking of alternatives is I couldn't/refused to accept 'I was such a vulnerable being as a child, and that I still continue to be a vulnerable being today as an adult.'This book healed and freed me from the bulk of my SHAME. I pray it helps you in your healing too.
I have spent a small fortune on therapy, as well as hundreds of books. Believe me Beverly Engel pours her heart and soul into every page. She writes brilliantly with a caring and compassionate heart and shares her knowledge in a way that makes the reader feel understood. Many believe that child abuse is harmless because children won’t remember anyway, but getting over the fear, distrust, and debilitating shame often takes a lifetime. Many who have suffered child abuse end up on drugs, alcohol, in prison, or worse. Fortunately, Beverly Engel explains the various ways that children are abused and includes exercises to help you remember and understand your own unique experiences. She leads you very cleverly toward the development of the self-compassion you so badly need. This is one book you’ll be glad you read.
Engel is usually a winner and this one is excellent. Sometimes wish she'd include less personal details but that's just my personal quibble. The key principles are well-presented. Few other authors tackle the shame issue head on as she does, and in such a readable and personable manner. I work with abuse victims and am using it extensively.
I have read literally 100's if not 1000's of self help books. I had a psychologist for a while and he was a wonder too. She is amazing, one can actually feel her love coming through the pages, it is like she is sitting there in a private room with the person talking to them. She misses nothing in her book, any question a person has is answered here and with love and empathy. I was raised by a Narcissist and never knew it till I went to my Dr. and mentor quite a few years ago and found out. I was abused emotionally and physically and she has answered every question I have had, and has shown me ways to change some things that I had never pondered or thought of. I have been working to better myself for years and I bought every last one of her books to read over the winter and get some more knowledge from a person who can show love and empathy through the pages. It is truly something special, and I picked up on it and am using it to my advantage. I wish all of you to do the same!! You won't get another book like hers, that comes as ones private practice Dr. Enjoy them if you get them, and I hope you do!
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